Since April, however, I have kept a second google countdown on my homepage --- days until I leave for Bread Loaf 2008. When I began the countdown it was approximately 65 days until I was to leave and to be quite honest, there was a TON of stuff that had to be accomplished in those 65 days. While I was excited about this new journey - it truly was on the backburner until the end of school and the trip to London. However, since returning from "across the pond" the google countdown has gone from 12 days to 2 days in what has seemed like a brief moment. Again, I know in reality it has been the same 24 hours in a day - 60 minutes in every hour - but this time rather than going incredibly slowly (as with London) it has gone way too fast.
I think I secretly hope that time will stand still - at least for a little while. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and my google homepage shouts out: Just one more day until you leave your comfortable life in KS for a totally unknown world in NM. I want to remain in my comfort zone for a while:
- I am not ready to leave a split-level house for a 10x10 dorm room;
- I am not ready to leave my private bath and shower for a shared bathroom in the middle of the hall;
- I am not ready to give up eating what, when and where I want in order to eat institutional food NOT of my own choosing in a cafeteria full of strangers;
- I am not ready to leave the unconditional love of my puppies who follow me everywhere for a place where I know no one;
- I am not ready to leave my family and friends - who know me and accept me for who I am - to be among those who might perhaps pre-judge me on the first meeting and not like who they see;
- and I think most importantly, I am not ready to switch roles from teacher (the one who is in charge and knows more than those in the classroom) to student (who is not in charge and probably knows less than most in the classroom). I suppose I am more of a control-freak than I originally suspected - and I am sure that this in an area where God would like to show me that really HE is the one in control.
Time is not standing still, however. The minutes continue to tick by and pretty soon there will only be 24 hours left in the comfort of home. While I know this experience will stretch me (in more ways than one) - and while I know that the initial 48 hours of this new experience will be VERY unsettling, I also know that I will learn a new definition of comfort --- and I will grow to appreciate more fully the blessings of my life in Olathe, KS. It is time to Let Go and Let God.
I'm off to pack!