HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

Happy Anniversary - Giffy!

WOW - it is incredibly hard to believe that 26 years have passed since we said "I do" at Norfield Congregational Church. There has been a LOT of water under the bridge - but somehow we continued to bob up for air and not drown in the flood.

Who would have thought 26 years ago that we would be living in Kansas?! My image of Kansas was corn fields and cows as fas as the eye could see (Yankees tend to think that the world stops after Washington, DC). While there is a certain element of truth in that image (especially when taking I-435 from the airport in 1990), we have come to love the midwest way of life. It is hard to believe that we have spent more of our married life here than any other place we have lived. Kansas is now home - the east coast is now a vacation destination.

Who would have thought 26 years ago that we would have 3 children - all nearly grown - and one son-in-law? I always knew that we would have children, I just never imagined that they would grow up to be adults (or more specifically - that I would ever be old enough to have grown up children). How blessed we have been with 3 terrific, healthy, intelligent, responsible, independent, loving, Christ-centered kids! God is good.

Who would have thought 26 years ago that Geoff would be in retail sales and I would have a "career" as a teacher!! Geoff was going to take New York City by storm and have a 40 year career in the financial services industry -- and I was going to be the stay-at-home mom. While we lived that life for a while - it has certainly taken many twists and turns along the way. I will not go so far as to say the entire ride was joyful --- but I can honestly say that I have enjoyed the ride. We have learned a lot about our own individual selves - a lot about one another - and a lot about ourselves together as husband/wife. I would not trade this life I have now for anything. It was the life designed by God for me, and it is indeed perfect.

Who would have thought 26 years ago that I would be spending this anniversary 900 miles away from home in a 6x8 Santa Fe dorm room while Geoff was tending the home fires in Kansas City? This is the first anniversary we have been apart - and it is an odd feeling. It is nice to be at a point in the marriage where you know the relationship is strong enough to withstand a 6 week separation - and yet it there is something ironic in the fact that we are separated on this momentous occasion. I am deeply grateful to Geoff for allowing me -- actually, for pushing me -- to take advantage of this opportunity. It is truly the best anniversary present!

So.....26 years on the 26th of June.....I think that is an sign. This year will be our "magic" year; this year will be filled with old reliable comforts, and new exciting beginnings. This year will mark the change from every cloud has a silver lining......to there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Here's to another quarter of a century of walking hand in hand on the journey that God has set before us.

Mama Mia -- I will miss you

My dog died last night --- and I was not there to tell her good-bye. I was not there to hold her head - stroke her paws - and whisper in her ear how much I loved her. This was not not supposed to happen this year -- not now; not when she was only three years old; not when I was off pursuing some silly academic study.

Mia was not the smartest dog on the block - some might even say she was stupid. But I knew differently. I could look into her soft brown eyes and connect with the intellect that was behind them. Mia was intuitive and the epitome of female companionship for Ralf. Mia knew how to fetch -- but she would allow her alpha male dog to fetch instead. While Mia appeared to be on the sidelines watching, she actually created her own game: she would let Ralf fetch for a while - and then one time when he least expected it - she would be the first to grab the toy and immediately run outside. She was always cordial and considerate and eventually allowed Ralf to secure the toy (and his masculinity) -- but she knew what was going on.

Mia was my "farm pup" -- that girl loved the outdoors. Sometimes she would run around; sometimes she would tree a squirrel; and sometimes she would just sit in the sun and observe the landscape. Mia knew a few commands - like sit and "hi five" --- but the command she obeyed most often was "Mia - find the squirrelies". She would dart out the door as fast as possible and immediately go to one of the two trees in the back yard. She wasn't meaning to hunt the squirrels - she just wanted to play - and could never quite understand why they weren't so willing to come down and take part in her festivities.

What Mia lacked in intellect - she made up for in affection. She would sit in my lap for hours on end -- just to be near me. She would follow me everywhere in the house - hence her nickname "Me Too" For the past several months - much to Geoff's concern - she would sleep in our room and very often at the foot of our bed on top of my feet. It wasn't comfortable, but it was secure. While some viewed my feeding Mia by hand as spoiling her, I cherished the closeness that it allowed us to share. She wasn't afraid of the silver bowl - she just preferred the human interaction.

Mia was a wonderful mom. She had three litters of puppies - way too many for a female dog of only three years old - but she simply couldn't say "no" to Ralfie. Mia tenderly nursed each one of her 20 puppies for a full three weeks - and then she instinctively weaned them and taught them independence. All 2o puppies were a pure delight and we will be forever grateful to Mia for those experiences. I am afraid that the last litter may have been too much for her, though. We all noticed how gray she seemed to become. That was truly the ultimate sacrifice, Mia - to give your life for your puppies - and your humans.

I hope you did not suffer, Mia. I hope you just went upstairs to lay in the sun and you quietly passed on in your sleep. I hope you knew how much joy you brought to our family and how much we will greatly miss you. You were truly "man's" best friend.

One week down.....5 more to go!

Well, this officially marks the passing of one full week at Bread Loaf. I have had 3 class sessions - a trip to the downtown area - many walks to and from the student union (it is VERY hilly) - the pleasure of watching spectular sunsets every evening - and a boatload of first experiences. I am still overwhelmed, but have learned that this is a natural feeling at Bread Loaf - and I am not the only one feeling these emotions.

The professors are VERY understanding and are truly here to help the students learn - not to try to eliminate students from the 2009 class roster. I need to keep this in mind: we are working for the same goal - we are not in an adversarial relationship.

I have learned an incredible amount in only 3 short class periods. I have already taken a ton of notes and know how to improve my literature classes for next year. It has been well worth my time and anxiety for this benefit alone.

This weekend will be a bit more stressful than last. I will need to finish memorizing the first 18 lines of Chaucer's prologue to the Canterbury Tales (in Middle English, no less) for Monday - of which I have only about the first 8 done so far. This will take quite a bit of short bursts of studying over the next 5 days.

I will need to somehow review the 950 pages of Bleak House and be prepared to discuss in class on Monday. This is a stretch for me. I normally try to re-read a book prior to class -- but it is physically impossible to do that this time around. At the same time, I need to be developing a paper idea so that next weekend I can write a compare and contrast paper for Villette and Bleak House on one small detail/theme that is evident in both stories. This will be a huge step outside of my comfort zone!!

It is still overwhelming - but the knowledge that everyone has felt this way at some point and time - and some still feel this way - somehow gives me comfort.

Prayers are still appreciated. Thoughts are still in Kansas.

OVERWHELMED!!!

Well, for those of you who have been following this (short-lived) blog - you have noticed that I have not posted in a while. Truthfully, that has been intentional.

After my first day of classes (I have two classes on Mondays and Wednesdays: Chaucer's Canterbury Tales is from 9:00 - 11:45 and Victorian Literature is from 2:00 - 4:45) I felt totally overwhelmed and truly not certain if I could do this. I was also wise enough to realize that I had not had much sleep in the past 48 hours, so I decided to go to bed early and see if things wouldn't look a little brighter the next morning.



Well, the Santa Fe sky was bright - but my outlook was pretty bleak. I spent most of the day Thursday trying to analyze the syllabi and to break it down into more manageable pieces. The Chaucer course will either be fairly manageable OR.....I will fall flat on my face. Here is a quick breakdown of what I will have to accomplish over the 6 week period: memorize the first 18 lines in Middle English by June 25 (although the instructor insists that all students will pass this no matter how long it takes); write a 2 page "close reading" of one tale (due July 4); write a 5 page "brief research paper" on a separate tale (due July 18); and teach one class on a very close reading of one tale (should be at least 10 minutes in length --- date to be announced). I spent most of my "Chaucer" time this weekend reading the cliffnotes version of the tales so that I would be able to take an educated guess as to which tales I would like to read and research closely. I have the first 4 lines (more or less) memorized --- and I have read the reading for tomorrow's class (the prologue in Middle English - although I did use a modern day translation to help me). I hope this will be satisfactory - I suppose I will find out tomorrow.



My second class was a bit more intimidating. There are only 7 students in the class (vs 14 students in Chaucer) - so there is no hiding from the instructor. Also, the instructor is VERY interested in class discussions - and she expects lots of interaction between the 7 of us (for those of you who know me --- that is NOT my favorite class environment to learn. I much prefer to take copious notes while the expert enlightens my mind). We will have two papers in that class as well - the first one will be due on June 30. That will be a compare and contrast paper for the novels Villette (540 pages) and Bleak House (975 pages). We will need to pick one reading from each book (about a page in length) and compare and contrast in terms of writing style, theme/topic development, etc. So far no page length has been announced. The 2nd paper will be due on July 16 and as of now it is a very open ended research paper on any of the themes/topics discussed in class. Again, no page length has been indicated. For tomorrow, we had to read Villette and bring to class 3 prepared questions that will elicit class discussion. That does not sound difficult -- unless you are like me and wonder how involved/in-depth these questions need to be. Consequently - I spent the rest of my weekend re-reading the novel and taking detailed notes - trying to track the themes/motifs of about 25 different topics. I have managed to come up with 5 questions that I think might be open-ended enough to elicit some conversation. Again, I guess I will find out tomorrow.

So, there you have it. LOTS of reading; 4 papers; some "teaching" or leading of class discussions; and lots of nerves to go with it. I am hoping that tomorrow I will have a better idea of class expectations on a day-to-day basis. I will still continue to sweat out the expectations of the writing assignments.

Lest I leave you with a negative impression of this experience - let me say that I absolutely LOVE the classes (so far), the people, and the learning experience. If I didn't have to depend on a B- grade --- I would have no anxiety whatsoever. This is exactly the caliber of learning that I expected from Bread Loaf, and anything less would have been a disappointment. I only hope that my brain has the capacity to keep up.

A Day of Firsts

Well, I actually did it. I got on that plane and did not chicken out. Actually, there was a part of me that wanted to back out - but I am simply too stubborn to back down from a public commitment (and you can't get more public than a blog and a facebook message).

The plane ride was uneventful - and I even managed to get both suitcases (net weight 87 pounds!) off the conveyor belt by myself without causing any bodily injury to myself or others (I considered this the first major success of the journey).

As I was standing in line to register for the shuttle I met my first Bread Loaf attendee - Marjorie - who has been to two other Bread Loaf sessions and is NOT an English major - I felt quite relieved already. Marjorie is very outgoing and was willing to share lots of useful information.

Once the shuttle actually arrived we met another Bread Loaf attendee - Emily - who will actually be graduating from the program after this 6 week session. She was also a wealth of information and both of them tried to calm my fears of inadequacy.

I also managed to lug both suitcases (although I did have to do it one at a time) up 2 flights of stairs. The 7,000 ft altitude causes one to become winded very quickly - so even though I know I am out of shape - I REALLY felt out of shape after accomplishing that feat.

The dorm rooms are very nice - small but nice. You walk into one person's room as you come through the front door (this room is about 10x8) and then the 2nd room has its own door off to the right (and it is about 6x8). I have the 2nd room - but it is adequate to suit my needs. There are four of these rooms per floor with a common hall bath (not ideal - but better than what I had when I was at Gettysburg College). The bathroom is right across the hall from our room, so that is rather convenient.

My roommate is from "the bush" part of Alaska - and she is absolutely fascinating! I told her that I will receive half of my education from Bread Loaf professors and the other half from her. She attends the Church of Christ and we are going to try to attend the local church together on Sundays. God is Good!! Marjie is my next door neighbor - so I feel as though I already have a couple of friends on campus.

There was a lovely, low-key reception for us this evening, and then a great dinner of some real Santa Fe cuisine: fajitas - chicken enchiladas - jicama salad. The professors spoke very briefly, but they all seem to be very approachable and low-key as well.

It was a huge days of firsts for me - and for an introvert like myself - it was exhausting! Tomorrow is another day of firsts: I have both classes tomorrow - one from 9:00 - 11:45 and the other from 2:00 - 4:45. However, I only have class Mondays and Wednesdays - so I will have a 4 day break --- good, I will need time to recuperate from all these new experiences --- and to begin the 6 weeks of work. From what I understand there will be a LOT of papers -- so perhaps this blog has been good practice.

Thank you all for your prayers, support and encouragement. It has meant more to me than you can possibly imagine. I am truly blessed!

Well....this is it!

It is now 1:00pm on Monday, June 9 and I am completely packed - I think. Somehow I fit all the items that I think I might possibly need over the next 6 weeks in two large suitcases. It still remains to be seen if I can actually lift these suitcases (they are on wheels, so "carrying" them shouldn't be a problem) - but perhaps there are some very kind good Samaritans in NM who would feel inclined to help a damsel in distress (or at least a middle-aged teacher with a bad back). I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

I will take my laptop and some "light" reading material in a backpack as my carry on; who knew that I would get more than one use out of the neon blue and orange EF Tours backpack!

This must be what they call "the calm before the storm." I am amazingly at peace right now. I intentionally packed early so that I wouldn't be stressed out tonight - the family deserves my last few hours at home to be on a good note :) I am sure the nerves will be in high gear tomorrow morning as we drive to KCI to catch an 8:35 flight, but I suppose I have come to realize that I have reached the "point of no return" and perhaps this calm feeling is actually a reluctant acceptance of the inevitable. Whatever the case, I give God the praise for providing me with this opportunity - and allowing me some meditative time to rest, relax and regroup before leaving tomorrow. Now I will just pray for strength - literally - to transport this luggage from my Olathe home to my new Santa Fe dorm room.

***

The next post will be from New Mexico --- so for now this is over and out from Kansas!

Time and Relativity

Each morning when I log onto my google account I have a google countdown. For the past two years the countdown has been set for my trip to London. With great anticipation and excitement I watched the numbers ever decrease from 435 days to London - to 30 days - and then just 1 day to the magical journey. For this particular countdown it seemed like the days were passing ever so slowly and the day would never arrive. However, there are always 24 hours in a day - 60 minutes in every hour, and while it may have seemed like time had slowed down, the reality was that time passed at the same speed as it has since the beginning of, well.....time.

Since April, however, I have kept a second google countdown on my homepage --- days until I leave for Bread Loaf 2008. When I began the countdown it was approximately 65 days until I was to leave and to be quite honest, there was a TON of stuff that had to be accomplished in those 65 days. While I was excited about this new journey - it truly was on the backburner until the end of school and the trip to London. However, since returning from "across the pond" the google countdown has gone from 12 days to 2 days in what has seemed like a brief moment. Again, I know in reality it has been the same 24 hours in a day - 60 minutes in every hour - but this time rather than going incredibly slowly (as with London) it has gone way too fast.



I think I secretly hope that time will stand still - at least for a little while. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and my google homepage shouts out: Just one more day until you leave your comfortable life in KS for a totally unknown world in NM. I want to remain in my comfort zone for a while:

• I am not ready to leave a split-level house for a 10x10 dorm room;
• I am not ready to leave my private bath and shower for a shared bathroom in the middle of the hall;
• I am not ready to give up eating what, when and where I want in order to eat institutional food NOT of my own choosing in a cafeteria full of strangers;
• I am not ready to leave the unconditional love of my puppies who follow me everywhere for a place where I know no one;
• I am not ready to leave my family and friends - who know me and accept me for who I am - to be among those who might perhaps pre-judge me on the first meeting and not like who they see;
• and I think most importantly, I am not ready to switch roles from teacher (the one who is in charge and knows more than those in the classroom) to student (who is not in charge and probably knows less than most in the classroom). I suppose I am more of a control-freak than I originally suspected - and I am sure that this in an area where God would like to show me that really HE is the one in control.

Time is not standing still, however. The minutes continue to tick by and pretty soon there will only be 24 hours left in the comfort of home. While I know this experience will stretch me (in more ways than one) - and while I know that the initial 48 hours of this new experience will be VERY unsettling, I also know that I will learn a new definition of comfort --- and I will grow to appreciate more fully the blessings of my life in Olathe, KS. It is time to Let Go and Let God.

I'm off to pack!